Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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