Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
