after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
