she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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