In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
