Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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