i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
