do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
