i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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