i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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