I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
