I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
