So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
