oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
