dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize