so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
