he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
