Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
