She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
