I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
