they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
