Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
