Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That's intense
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
