i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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