How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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