I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
