Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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