If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
