I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
