I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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