so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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