i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
