the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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