you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
