i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
