I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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