Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm too high and old for this...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
