peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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