i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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