They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
