No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
