Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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