so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
