I wish I could teleport
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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