so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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