You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
