Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
