found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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