I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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