so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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