If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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