OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
