I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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