I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
