we're chasing vodka with high fives
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
