god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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