1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
