Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
