She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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