I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
