a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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