If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize