Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
