her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize