I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
