i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
