this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
