last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
