there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
MIDGETS
????
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
