I CAN MOONWALK!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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