Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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