I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You smell like stripper and shame
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
