and my herpes radar will keep us safe
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
