Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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