When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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