the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's official drugs can't kill me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we're so committed to being not committed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
