Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
