i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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