You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
