I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
